I hate allergies

I HATE food allergies… It’s true I said it. I hate having to always worry if I have the Benadryl around… and of course the EPI pens. (Which I am so eternally thankful we’ve never had to use). I hate going to a restaurant and not being able to just order without a lengthy explanation to the waiter or waitress. I hate that almost every time it comes wrong and I can tell there is butter on the broccoli and we have to send it back. I hate assuming the worst when we eat out thinking there is a chance she will wind up needing Benadryl. I hate that at Pre-k I can’t always make my daughters snack identical to all the other kids and she has to feel different (not that she seems to care yet but I know one day she will and I will have to dry her tears). I hate that when we go to play dates I have to be the weird mom requesting strangers half bathe their children after eating a snack. I hate that lots of people don’t get it and just think we’re weird and picky. I hate that I went against my mom instinct on a “may contain milk” label tonight and she reacted and now she can’t have the dessert we made together that she was so excited about and had to have Benadryl instead (Not worry I did my best to make it up to her with allergen free ice cream but it was still so sad). I hate that I won’t sleep well tonight and may feel the need to put her in our bed because what if the reaction comes back. I HATE food allergies with everything I have.

BUT I LOVE my daughter more than life itself and I would do absolutely anything to make sure she gets to feel as normal as she can and stay healthy. I will stay awake all night and watch her breathe if that’s what it takes to be sure I’m keeping her safe. When she wants a dessert or a food she sees on one of the baking videos she loves to watch so much, you bet I will research for hours if that’s what it takes until I can make something as close as humanly possible to what she wanted to make or have and we will make it. (She may just grow up to be the best dang egg, dairy, nut, and avocado free chef there ever was! Look out for her restaurant “Pickles” in about 18 years or so haha) its so hard being a mom of a child with food allergies. Unless you live it you just don’t really understand it. Allergies are very much an invisible problem… until they aren’t and your kid is covered in hives and scratching like crazy or even worse struggling to breathe. I just needed to vent today. Tomorrow I will put on my big girl pants again and I will redo the special dessert with 100% guaranteed safe chocolate that doesn’t have a “may contain” disclaimer and all will be right with the world, even if its just for a few minutes wile I get to watch my daughter enjoy her dessert without fear of a reaction.

~Stephanie B

****Stephanie is a 26 year old mom to a 4 year old who has multiple food allergies. It used to be 12+ but they’re down to 6 (and may get to challenge out of two). It’s been hard but they’ve made it work. Stephanie also have allergies to fish and Brazil nuts so she knew a little bit about being careful, but it’s hard having some of the main things they used to eat be dangerous now.

Apologies and thank yous!

To the parent with the perfectly healthy child, to the parent whose child does not have food allergies, to the parent who doesn’t watch your child like a hawk before, during, and after meals, to the parent who does not have to inconvenience others because of your child’s issues:

 APOLOGY

I am sorry that my child’s medical needs inconvenience you.  I am sorry that you are limited in your choices for your child’s lunch.  I am sorry that our school constantly sends out reminders about which foods can and cannot be brought to school.  I am sorry that you are sometimes late for work due to the long lines at drop-off in the morning due to the school-enforced rule that everyone wash their hands.  And I’m sorry that I can often sound harsh and repetitive when talking to you over and over about my child’s allergies, the dangers surrounding him daily, and my expectations of you as a fellow parent.  I know you are bombarded with demands from your life.  I know that you may have your own unknown issues going on.  I know life may be difficult for you because of other issues, and I’m sorry.

I will continue to be an advocate for my child, working to bring awareness to this issue in order to protect him and many others facing this scary issue; however, I promise to work on my delivery.  I promise to respect your feelings and come at you in a better way than my renowned attack-dog-like method.  I ask for your respect and understanding as well and hope that we can find a way to collaborate and find a solution that works for everyone.

THANK YOU

Thank you for checking in on me after my son’s hive breakout.  Thank you for the prayers sent our way each day.  Thank you for your quick actions when he reacts while in your care.  Thank you for calling/texting to ask what you can fix or bring to a party or class event.  Thank you for noticing the difficulties that come with having a child with food allergies even though your child does not.  Thank you for teaching your child kindness and respect when dealing with my child’s allergy.

While there are many out there who complain and criticize our situation, you are there, supporting us, reminding us that there are still kind people in the world.  You encourage us not to bubble our child up and never let him out of the house, out of our sight.  You make my children and me feel welcome in your home. You give me hope for our lives.  I know because of people like you we can survive food allergies, cope with them, and hopefully one day over come them.

~Lacey

Easy allergy-free (top 8 allergens) cupcakes

For almost two years we have discovered that our 3 year-old, DR has developed new and increasingly difficult-to-avoid food allergies.  His first was eggs, so I had to learn to bake a lot the foods that we once could purchase pre-made from the stores.  The second was peanuts, which limited us further in items we could bake with that were not processed with peanuts.  The third and most recent, milk, sent us reeling again.  It’s only been 6 days, but my research and experimentation led me to the most amazing and easy cupcake recipe that is completely free of the top 8 allergens.

While all I wanted to do this weekend was keep DR next to me and hover over him while he ate, I knew it wasn’t possible.  As 3 year olds go, he’s very independent and active.  He hates for me to tell him what to eat, and he most definitely does not like to be confined to our house when he’s done nothing wrong.  So when it came to a family get together on Monday for his cousin’s first birthday I had to make a plan.  There were no bakeries in the area that could make dairy, egg, and peanut free cupcakes on short notice (not that I have the ability to trust anyone to do that right now).  So I half-heartedly started my research expecting to have to go out hunting for weird ingredients like xantham gum to make somewhat decent cupcakes.  However, in all of my research I found an amazingly easy combination of ingredients with the only “weird” one being vinegar.  The cupcakes turned out moist and springy like you want and the frosting was easy to make and apply.

So here is the ahhh-mazing recipe:

Cake:

Ingredients

• 1 cup sugar
• 2 cups coconut* flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup Earth Balance vegan soy-free baking sticks melted
• 1 cup coconut* milk
• 2 Tbsp vanilla
• 1 Tbsp vinegar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In one bowl whisk together sugar, coconut* flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.  Set aside.
3. In a second bowl whisk together butter, coconut* milk, vanilla, and vinegar.
4. Pour the second bowl contents into the first bowl and mix until just combined.
5. Line a cupcake pan with cupcake liners. Fill the liners two-thirds full.
6. Bake in oven 20-25 minutes.
7. Cool completely.
8. Frost as desired.

Frosting:

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup Earth Balance vegan soy-free baking sticks  softened/room temperature
• 3 & 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 Tbsp coconut* milk

Directions

1. Using mixer, beat butter until light and airy.
2. With the mixer on low, add the powdered sugar, vanilla, and coconut* milk and mix until smooth.
3. Beat on high for another 2 minutes until light and fluffy.

 

*While coconut does grow on trees it is not typically listed as a tree nut.  It is considered a botanical nut and placed in a fruit category.

~Lacey

 

The Depth of Food Allergies

As with many issues that people may not deal with, food allergies can be viewed as a simple diagnosis and treatment.  For those of us who have children with food allergies, it is far from simple.  I repeat, it is not simple.  There are many aspects to consider:  testing for all possible allergens (food and environmental), changing diets, changing routines, educating others, constant preparation, hawk-like observation of all events and outings, managing doctor’s appointments and medication costs…..The list goes on.  Even though we’ve been dealing with food allergies for almost two years, I know I cannot finish the list as everyday presents a new obstacle to add to the depth of the issue.

As an example, I suggest you take note of the fact that the two mothers running this blog have not had time to update lately.  The reason being, so many issues going on in life that we barely have time to hold ourselves together, let alone share it with the world.  But today, I need to release some of the anxiety smothering me.  Hope knows what I mean, as do many food allergy moms and dads (and parents of children with other medical issues).

 

My most recent issue started last Monday as we were traveling from NC to GA.  We had a relaxing and much needed weekend visit with my family.  As always, I kept a close eye on my son, DR’s diet.  Since my grandparents do not have sunbutter (our favorite peanut butter alternative), DR ate almond butter and jelly sandwiches.  My grandpa who is on a special diet still had to eat some peanut butter sandwiches during the day, but we took big precautions, and DR was able to avoid any contact.

Twelve hours after we returned home, DR had a small rash developing on his legs and belly.  We rubbed him down with his topical steroids like normal, and in the morning he was looking much better.  Then it happened.  Daycare called and he was covered head-to-foot in hives.  We followed our protocol for this type of reaction by dosing him with oral antihistamines and topical steroids, covering him in clothing to keep him from clawing his skin off, and watching him like a hawk praying for the best, but expecting the worst.  The next morning he seemed better.  The next 9 days included a cruel repeat of the events three more times.

The second event was after dinner at my mother-in-law’s house.  This time it started on his legs and arms.  He screamed in pain at the itching in his legs.  We repeated our protocol, and I slept (laid awake and stared at him) in bed with him that night.  When our power went out due to thunderstorms, I just surrounded the bed in flashlights. As I laid awake, I went over the possible triggers.  He was nowhere near peanuts or eggs, but he did have exposure at least two times to almonds.  Maybe that was the cause.

The third event occurred two days later at daycare right after naptime.  This time it started in his arms.  He had only eaten the food we had supplied for him, food that he had eaten before.  My sister-in-law drove to daycare and gave him his prescription meds.  My husband picked him up early from daycare, and by the time I got home at 6:30, he was out.  This boy, who normally  only sleeps for 8 to 9 hours, was out until 7am this morning (minus a delirious 4am sleepwalking/talking event).  At this point, I had hoped that he was just experiencing a biphasic reaction from the second event.

Then came the fourth event today, just one day after the third.  He had not had lunch yet and his class had only been outside for 3 minutes.  He immediately started turning red and the hives appeared.  The daycare reacted by giving him the prescription meds (which are now in the directors desk) and calling me.

I know many people will read this and think, why doesn’t she call the doctor.  That is a story in itself.  He was already scheduled with his allergist sometime late-August.  At his first reaction, I called and asked to move the appointment up; unfortunately, his doctor is on vacation until the first week of August, and they couldn’t test for anything anyway until he has been free of antihistamines for a week.  So we scheduled him for August 5th.  After the second reaction I called, but nothing could be changed.  The day of the third reaction, I called his pediatrician’s office.  For some reason, all of the doctor’s are out of the office (is July doctor vacation month???) and they scheduled him an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner who told me she was uncomfortable seeing for him an issue like this and thought he should see an allergist (well, duh!).   So with his fourth reaction today, I called the allergist office and demanded he be seen by a different doctor.  We now have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon and wonder if they will be able to do anything to help him.

Throughout all of this, I also have to coordinate and care for everyday issues:  our 1 year old is teething, previous doctor bills are due, work schedules, vacation schedules, bosses who get mad for you changing the work schedule, family visits, household chores, other doctor appointments, meal planning, not crying in public when I see the daycare’s phone number, only to name a few.

And emotionally, I feel like I’m being buried further and further from a solution, from peace-of-mind, from sanity.  But I have to hide it, because if I break down, who will handle this?  My husband probably, but he’s currently dealing with same stressors and more.  So if you ever think that food allergy parents are overly-dramatic, overly-sensitive, or overly-complicate situations, first think about with which we deal.  Your judgement only adds to the depth of our problems, but your support (especially the emotional support) can help digs us out of the pits of despair.

~ Lacey

https://fromsouptonutsallergyfree.wordpress.com/2016/07/20/the-depth-of-food-allergies

The 5 stages of food allergy grief: a child’s emotional reaction

DR was originally diagnosed with an egg allergy at 18 months old, at which time it was easier to limit his exposure as he only ate what we gave him.  A couple months after his 2nd birthday, we discovered his peanut allergy.  It was a little more difficult to avoid this allergen as peanut butter was one of his favorite foods.  We quickly replaced all of the peanut products in our house and finally found a suitable alternative to peanut butter.  Now that he is older and is learning to eat things for pleasure/taste he starting to go through his own stages of food allergy grief, making the exposure more difficult to avoid.  As a parent, only able to watch from the sidelines, his reactions can either add to the stress or help with the overall learning process.

Denial:  To keep him from feeling left out or isolated from other children, we tried to find as many alternatives to normal foods that looked or tasted similar.  For a while, we thought we had it made.  However, in the instances that we cannot predict when food will be brought to school for surprise parties, special events, or impromptu outings, it is difficult to have equivalent alternatives.  For example, one day last week, a child in DR’s class had a birthday.  Up to this point, no parents had brought in treats for other birthdays.  On this particular day, the other child’s parents decided to bring in special cookies.  Of course DR could not have one.  The cookies looked just like allergy-free cookies I had made before, so he could not understand why he couldn’t have them.  This led to a meltdown.  At 3 years old, he cannot understand why some items have eggs and others do not, and while I try to explain it to him, I am at a loss right now.

Anger:  Before his first reaction to peanuts I would allow DR to pick out a candy treat when he was good in the grocery store.  Due to having to read all ingredients for his egg allergy, grocery trips could be 2-3 hours and his compliance was key.  After his peanut allergy was discovered, this reward system disappeared.  Even though I offered him other rewards like stickers or books, he still wanted his candy.  One day, as we were checking out after a long grocery trip, he grabbed some candy off the shelf (of course it had to be Reese Cups), and tried to open them with his teeth.  As I wrestled them away from him, he was screaming and crying angrily at me, “I WANT THEM!!!”  I tried to explain from the store to the car, on the ride home, and even after carrying all the groceries into our kitchen, but his poor little 2 year old mind could not understand why this had changed.  He was used to not getting his candy when he misbehaved, but he had been perfect during this trip (except for the angry tantrum).  Since then, I try to avoid food as a reward, giving him other options at the beginning of our trips, so food is not an option in the end. 

Bargaining:  Bargaining has a very literal meaning here.  Despite all of my preparation,  extra snacks, and explanations to DR and others, I still have to keep a close eye on DR as he eats.  I have caught him in many instances swapping food with other kids, sharing his special snacks.  When he realizes he is caught, he claims that he is sharing. I have to start my explanations all over again.  Then there are the times he sneaks foods that he KNOWS he cannot have.   A couple weeks ago, we caught him eating his dad, Justin’s donuts.  As we panicked looking for the first sign of a reaction, DR kept saying “I fine.  I not itchy.”  Unfortunately, within minutes the rash started, and again we had to explain the dangers to him. 

Depression:  Halloween was a rough time for us this past year. I was extremely vigilant in keeping him away from candies.  I purchased allergy-free snacks to switch out when he went trick-or-treating.  I donated allergy-free options to local trunk-or-treats.  I literally prepared a month in advanced for this event.  In our town, Halloween and Fall festivals spanned several weeks, so we had a good pattern going.  Unfortunately, by the time Halloween actually arrived, DR was so burnt out from all of our special treats, activities, and precautions that he didn’t want to go trick-or-treating.  It was then that I learned that there should be limits to how concerned or scared we adults appear to children with allergies.  He was beginning to mimic my depression, and this was what I had been hoping to avoid

Acceptance:  I am amazed at how quickly DR can grasp this concept.  I think because his allergies developed at such a young age, we are avoiding some of the worse emotional reactions.  I love that at 3 years old he asks if food that is presented to him has eggs or peanuts.  And most of the time he loves his special foods.  I wish that my own acceptance of the issue could come as easily.

I am very much aware that as he ages DR will repeat the cycle of food-allergy grief, but I feel hopeful that he remain the spunky, wild, vivacious boy that I love.

~Lacey

 

 

 

The sister-hood of mother-hood

As we have repeated throughout several of our posts, living with a food allergy is mentally and emotionally trying, difficult, and draining.   The main point of this blog, though, is to connect and create companionship for any mother having to deal with a child’s food allergy.

Meal-planning, grocery-shopping, budgeting are all chores that some adult member of the household must do, so that the family can eat.  These are often not events that you think to invite your friends along, especially if you are a food-allergy mom.  This part of dealing with food allergies can be very time consuming and very lonely.

It doesn’t have to be.  All those hours you pour over recipes and meal plans to come up with just one weeks worth of ideas, those 3+ hours spent in the grocery store scanning every ingredient list two or three times, and the countless recalculations of your budget to ensure you can afford all the peanut, tree nut, egg, milk, soy, and corn-free alternatives without having to take out a second mortgage, do not have to be done alone.  In fact, if we moms come together and share our meal plans, recipes, grocery lists, and budgeting saving secrets, then life with food allergies would be much more bearable.

If it wasn’t for my rapport with Hope – our text message successes when we find a new budget-friendly alternative, pinterest recipe, or just a kind stranger with sympathy for our struggle –  then I’m not sure how I could make it. The countless support groups available to moms both in person and online are amazing and something to be celebrated, especially in a world that is so accessible yet isolating in social media.

The issue of food allergies should never make anyone feel alone.  It is such a common occurrence nowadays, that everyone should have someone to talk to.  If you ever feel like you are alone, then please, know you’re not.  Hope and I are here for you, if no one else is. We would love the opportunity to add you to our umbrella of moms.  After all, mother-hood is only an extension of the sister-hood of life.

~Lacey

Perfection

As a mom I have, at times, striven for perfection.  Especially in today’s society where our lives are broadcast on social media, and judgement abounds around every mishap.  The past month, I have seen as the world has sought to “crucify” parents who have made unintentional mistakes (the gorilla and alligator incidents):  critics call them careless and avoidable.  Of course these situations can be deemed avoidable now.  As it’s always said “hindsight is 20/20.”

I have experienced several of these moments in my own three years as a mom.  Many of these experiences were due to my son, DR’s food allergies.

Since I found out, he had these allergies I have blamed myself for plenty, even things that are beyond my control.  First, I blamed myself for the fact that he even had allergies.  I am allergic to tree nuts as well as other environmental elements, so I assumed that my genetic make-up was the cause of his allergic tendencies.  It took me a very long time to realize that I had no control over this.  I could not have predicted in a million years that he would develop his peanut and egg allergies because of my biology.

Then came the guilt when he would break out for no known reason.  I would scour ingredient lists and pour over food diaries to find the culprit, only to be disappointed when it was something I had missed earlier that caused the reaction.  I would beat myself up for days after he had healed, determined to overcome my own stupid, fallible, human nature.

Finally, I felt less than human when he would catch me eating something he couldn’t have.  I was lowly, unworthy of his love because I expected him to go without when I couldn’t.  I would vow not to give into the cravings.

So as you can see, I alone have placed this blame; unfortunately, this is not the end of it.  I have been on the receiving end of unsolicited and cruel comments about my parenting by many others.  When we had to rush him to the Urgent Care because of a reaction to peanut butter months before his diagnosis, the doctor basically accused us of feeding him an egg product to which we knew he was allergic.  When he breaks out it his eczema rash, people constantly comment like we aren’t trying to fix the situation, like we are the reason he has this issue.  When he ended up in the hospital (non-allergy related), a close friend called to inquire that perhaps his illness was a punishment for the fact that his father and I lived together before marriage.  All of these comments were unnecessary and unwanted.  They did not help us.  In fact, they caused more issues.  They made me doubt myself as a parent, made me work harder toward an image of perfection I could never reach.

I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I stopped.  I stopped striving for perfection, and instead focused on those things I could do to protect my son.  I spent less time listening to others and more following my intuition.  Had I continued listening to and caring about these comments, I would have lost everything:  my self-confidence, my mind, and my relationship with my amazing son, but by accepting my imperfections, I now have everything.

~Lacey

Even when it’s not about food allergies, it is

***DISCLAIMER:  This is a long post.  The relevance to food allergies is explained about halfway down.***

I have been a little slack in finishing and publishing posts this week. Not because of DR or anything relating to food allergies, but because of JN, my one year old, and a febrile seizure which caused him to be hospitalized.

We have joked for the past year that JN is our easy child since he has not been sick like DR was the first year of his life.  In fact, JN has only had one other illness:  a quickly passing stomach bug.  Other than a low-grade fever from the stomach bug and some teething irritation, JN has never had the issues we were accustomed to…that is until this past Monday.

Both boys dealt with symptoms of what looked like the everyday cold over the weekend.  They had some nasal congestion coupled with a (slightly alarming) barking cough.  Neither of them spiked fevers or showed any other sign of malaise, so we took them to daycare on Monday morning.  At daycare we were told that some of the teachers and other kids had the same thing, but it didn’t seem to be of concern; however, at 4:26pm I received a call from daycare saying that JN had a fever and needed to be picked up.  While I tried to reach my husband, Justin, I received another call saying JN was having a seizure.  At this point, I clocked out of work, and rushed to pick him up.

Due to crazy traffic patterns and trains, I was delayed and never made it to the daycare.  Instead, they had to call for an ambulance and my baby was rushed to the hospital.  By the time I was able to find him, he was still seizing with a team of 17 people working to correct the situation.  When they were finally able to start an IV they administered two rounds of medications that finally stopped the seizure.  This was 45 minutes after the seizure had started.  At this point several nurses and doctors started explaining to me what was happening, concerns they had, and asking questions about previous medical histories.  I tried to answer as best I could, but I was in a daze of panic and fear.  I recall one of my first responses when I saw that he was not wearing a diaper that “I forgot to bring diapers.”  As family members started to arrive even more questions bombarded me, and I didn’t know how to answer them all.

Finally, Justin arrived with DR, and the discussion transitioned to who was going to take DR and what he could eat.  At this mention, I quickly snapped out of my panicked-mama funk, and started making a plan.  These were questions I could answer and a situation I could control.  I explained where he could eat and what he could have.  There was already a plan in place at daycare to use extra foods we had dropped off for the days he couldn’t eat the school meal. We had plenty of foods at home that were all egg and peanut free.  Our families have been trained in DR’s food allergy plan, and they were prepared.

Over the course of our two-day hospital stay I received many calls and updates on DR, and I was reassured of his meal and snack plans.  Because of our months of preparation since his diagnoses, we now know that no matter which situations may take us from him, we have friends and family who love and care for DR so much that they are as focused on his food allergies and keeping safe.

~Lacey

Allergy Friendly Homemade Cheezits

These are buttery, soft and chewy with crispy edges. They are zesty cheesy and my five young kiddos absolutely adored them. They are egg free and nut free and can be made gluten free with just a few substitutions. As an allergy mom myself I know we are the QUEENS of substituting and swapping out ingredients! These take 30 minutes total time from start to finish and they will be gone by the end of the day! 😉

So, without anything further, I give you the recipe for:

Allergy Friendly Homemade Cheezits!

2 cups cheddar cheese ( I used mild but sharp or white would also be yummy! )

1 cup of all purpose flour

5 Tbs softened salted butter

1/2 tsp salt ( I use pink Himalayan salt )

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp onion powder ( optional )

1/2 tsp paprika ( optional )

2 Tbs milk

1/4 tsp of salt to dust the tops before putting into oven

Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Line a large cookie sheet with parchment paper or aluminum foil. I used a large cookie sheet plus a small round pan lined with aluminum foil. Use whatever you have. If you use aluminum foil, spray with non-stick spray.

Now to start your dough: Add cheese, flour, butter and spices to a food processor and pulse until well blended. Add milk and pulse until a ball of dough forms. Like this:

Then turn out dough onto a well floured surface and roll out with your rolling pin until 1/8 inch thick. Cut edges with a pizza cutter to form a large rectangle. Put all edges into a pile to the side. Cut large rectangle into 1 inch squares. Mine were more rectangular but I wasn’t striving for perfection 😉 I’m a mom of five…I was striving for get-it-done-super-fast. Now, gently transfer each square onto your lined cookie sheet. Use a thin spatula if needed. After you have all of the squares on your sheet, re-flour your surface and roll out the dough you sat aside. Repeat the process above until all of those squares are also on your baking sheet. Take the dull end of a skewer and poke a hole in the middle of each square. This keeps them from becoming too puffed up. Take a couple pinches of salt and add a very light dusting to the top of the crackers before putting into the pre-heated oven. Bake for about 15 minutes or until edges start becoming brown. Take them out, let them cool and enjoy!!

I call them rustic 😉 Either way, they taste AMAZING.

~Hope

10 phrases allergy moms “love” to hear

1. How allergic is your child?  When I tell someone my child has a food allergy, I’m telling them so that my child can avoid the allergen.  It doesn’t matter “how” allergic he is.  He doesn’t need the food, and we don’t need the agony of an allergic reaction.
2. Is he really allergic or do you just not want him to have sweets? Of course I don’t want to constantly shove sweets down my child’s throat, but just because he can’t have certain foods does not mean I don’t let him have sweets.  Besides, why would you ask a mother (whether or not she has a child with food allergies) if you can give her child sweets?  Why can’t you offer my child an apple or even better a non-food item like stickers?
3. I feel bad that he can’t have the same food as other kids.  I don’t want him to feel left out.  Most moms of children with food allergies come prepared with alternative options for their children.  While the children may feel a little left out from not getting to eat certain foods it is far better than the alternative of them eating the foods and having a reaction.
4. Ugh…my life is so inconvenienced by your child’s food allergy.  Why do daycares, schools, airplanes and public buildings have to be peanut free?  First, if you seriously can’t wait until you get home to eat your peanut items, then maybe you have a bit of an issue?  Second, the severity of some allergies like peanuts differ from person to person.  Some people react just by touching an item that someone who had peanuts earlier touched.  It’s like with the flu.  If you have the flu virus you shouldn’t be bringing it out into public where it can hurt others.  Just keep your peanuts and your flu at home and to yourself.
5. How long has it been since your child has tried this food? Maybe he’s built up a tolerance.  Yes, some people may grow out of their food allergies, but some of them may get worse.  Currently, there is no way to know either way.   There are some research efforts underway to see if there is a cure for food allergies.  No, we will not test his tolerance right now in a non-medical environment without his doctor’s consent just because you want to see if he reacts.  I can tell you that I am probably losing my tolerance for you.
6. You must have eaten too much of that food during your pregnancy or while you were breastfeeding! You must be ignorant. Thank you for blaming me for my child’s medical condition though. Bless your heart. Do your own research and know that we blame ourselves enough for our children’s reactions without others trying to blame us too.
7. Giving them a little bite won’t hurt. Right, and neither will letting them hold a rattlesnake. To allergy moms those two things are equal. Both could kill our child. Let me say that again to make it clear: ONE BITE COULD KILL MY CHILD. I’m not willing to take that chance. You shouldn’t be either. Killing people is frowned upon last time I checked.
8. Oh, they’ll grow out of it. We actually want this. We desperately want our child to grow out of their food allergies. For them and for us. Unfortunately we don’t know if that will happen. Neither does my child’s allergist. I’m so glad you know though.
9. It was processed in a plant/on a conveyor belt/on a counter top with the allergen, but it doesn’t have the allergen in it.  It should be safe. If it wasn’t potentially dangerous, then why do the products have to tell you they were processed near the allergen?  What if your favorite food item said processed by someone who had the flu or TB?  Would you feel comfortable chancing contamination?
10. This one we will never hear said to our face. We’ve heard others say it about other allergy moms when they don’t realize we are listening or don’t realize we are also allergy moms. They’re just doing it for attention, I doubt their child even HAS a food allergy. Don’t be this person. This person is not a nice person to be. Please know that we are not seeking attention. Most of us HATE having to ask what ingredients are in everything when we are at a restaurant, a person’s house, on vacation, etc. I don’t like inconveniencing people. I hate it. I’m a southern girl to my core and I love making people feel at ease. I’m way out of my comfort zone when I have to seek people out to ask questions. I will do it for my child’s safety EVERY SINGLE TIME no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. I can assure you if I could take it away from them I would in a heartbeat.

This post is not intended for people who genuinely care about our children’s safety. If you are asking us questions that are intended to really help our child or if you are wanting to know details so that you can make them or give them a safe treat we welcome that. We always know your intentions as soon as you speak though. We can tell when you are a caring person and when you’re just trying to be a busybody or a tush.

~Hope & Lacey~